I was Betrayed...Because He Was Insecure!!!

Opening My Heart to The Wrong Person and Look Where It Got me!

Fucked with Strings

Abofa was insecure and never thought he was good enough for me.  
I was happy and didn’t have needs or wants for anybody else!  I saw his insecure signs early in our relationship.  He used to look through my phone, show up places "without me knowing" and discreetly waiting around for hours. 

I remember one time I was hanging out with my sister.
We was at a resturant bar and he called and asked me where I was,  I told him the location and before I got a chance to tell him the name of the restaurant, my phone died.  Our relationship was still brand new and I didn’t have his phone number memorized to call him back on my sister’s phone.  It was getting late and I decided to go back to my sister’s house because she lived a couple blocks from the restaurant.  When I got to her house I immediately plugged up my phone to charge it.  When I called him back,

Abofa sounded really calm as he questioned me. 
I told him my phone had died and that I was sorry.   He asked me where I was and I told him my sister’s house.  He asked if he could come and pick me up and I said yes!  I asked him where he was and he said “I’m in front of your house; I’ve headed here after your phone died!”  My phone died around 10:30pm, I got to my sister’s house around 2:30am.  That means he has been sitting in front of my house for 2-3 hours!!!

My first thought was "wow that is really sweet!" 

My second thought was “Wow that is really crazy and strange!"  I asked my sister and she said "that means he really cares about you or he's really crazy!  He picked me up and it was an awkward silence once I got in the car. 

I felt the need to explain myself all over again...
" I’m sorry baby, my phone really died!"  He told me it was ok but for some reason I knew he didn’t believe me!  Now that I think about it maybe he decided to go to my house and wait because he thought I was lying.  Was he really concerned or was he doing a stakeout in front of my house? 

I believe that was the first sign of insecurity...did I ignore that red flag?

Me and My So Called "Abofa "

After that day, I stupidly started spending more time with him. 
We would go out and he would focus all his attention on me.  I noticed he didn’t like us around a lot of people.  He would find little cuts and the most private sections for us to spend time together.  I thought he was just being over protective, now that I look at it maybe he was hiding me for other reasons!  He became very clingy and needy, like he didn’t want or like to be alone. 

I realized our relationship was speeding and wanted to talk more about his needs, wants, desires and plus I was confused about why he wanted me in his life so much. 
I tried to have a conversation about this and he really didn’t have much to say (Another Red Flag) I asked him “What are we doing?”  I didn’t want to get too deeply involved.  I’ve been engaged and got out of a six year relationship 3 years ago.  I told him I didn’t want to be just a girlfriend and I really wasn’t interested in having a boyfriend.  Those types of relationships are never taken serious.  I also told him I couldn’t have children anymore and I was happy with the two I have.  I know he was going to want children one day so we need to think about this before we get too deep involed.

This Is Where I Went Wrong...
He was really quiet that day and kept his feeling to himself.  I expected that because of our age difference.  He had a void that needed to be filled and I was trying to figure out what it was.   He didn’t ask enough questions about my needs, wants, or desires so I figured he wasn’t trying to fill my voids. 

I slowly tried to push him away and he kept coming back stronger! 
All my extra time he made clear he wanted me to spend it with him.  I’ve never been a big phone person and he would call me every night and all the time if we weren’t together.  I remember one day I was at my sister’s house and he was calling me and I didn’t want to answer the phone.  My sister said “why aren’t you answering?”  and I said ” I don’t know " she said..." you’re a mean girlfriend!” and I thought to myself...

I don’t want to be a mean girlfriend at all! 

Once again considering his feelings I called him back. We spoke for a little and I remember him saying to me “why won’t you let me love you?" That’s when I felt my heart weaken and I thought this man was crying out to me!  I knew he needed to work on his communication but does that mean he doesn’t deserve a good woman?

As Time went on I found myself opening up to him more.
Our relationship was based upon endless romantic days and night.  One day during pillow talk he asked me, did I see myself as being single?  I paused because I was confused myself.  I didn’t have a ring on my finger so I said... “Yes I do see myself as single” He said “You still see yourself as being single and we are always together loving each other. 

Deep down I knew he was right and I was falling in love with him.
I didn’t want anyone else and gave up on pursuing my NC lover.   He was meeting my needs (so I thought) but in actually I didn’t know what my needs were and was caught up already.  I changed my mind and confirmed that I would be his girlfriend even though I hated that title. I knew being his girlfriend would make him feel comfortable about us.

What I did for him...
I noticed I didn’t need or have room for my male friends.  I told him that I wouldn’t communicate with them any longer.  He didn’t even know about some of them. I openly told him because I thought he deserved to know.  These weren’t random people!  Most I knew for years and some I have dated in the past but still remained friends.  I cut off all ties with them and told them that I was in a relationship and I didn’t want to do anything disrespectful to hurt him. 

His Needs Were Being Met But What About Mine?

Static In The Relationship...
We had random fallout's mostly because I wouldn’t want him to come over when he wanted.  I always found myself giving in because I didn’t like telling him no because I knew it would disappoint him. I was comfortable with him being around me.  He wanted to control my time and I let him, he wanted to control my phone and I let him.  I even noticed he tried to control what I ate and drank....

Let Me Give You A Example...
I love Chardonnay...he would bring "Malbac" (red wine) every time he came over.  We were drinking that wine about 3-4 times a week for the first 6 months....no joke!  I just gave into this man because he was so persistent!  I saw that as a plus and seen it as he needed love and so did I!  So why not??? 

Letting My Guards Down...
and playing the role of a girlfriend, what I was trying so hard not to be!  Time was flying and before the New Year came I wanted to analyze our relationship.  I figured it was going well. A lot of fun, sex, romance, love, affection and happiness.  I thought maybe this was the man of my dreams and I didn’t want to lose him.  I was thinking of ways that I could get us to the next level by the end of 2013.  I wanted a ring, a promise or engagement would do! :)

What About My Needs...
I was giving him what he wanted for a year, will he be the man I want him to be and start pleasing me?  The best thing for a woman to do is not make hints and be honest about what you want.  I wanted to see if he was going to come off his throne and cater to my needs!  I needed more space and time to get my head out of the clouds!  One night he asked if he could come over and I told him “tonight is not good "

He caught the biggest attitude...
because he couldnt get is way and turned it into a argument... 
I told him I was happy but could be happier.  I wanted a big house, front, back yard and a husband to complete me.  He told me to go find a sugar daddy that was going to make me happy.  I didn’t mean it like that!  When I said happier I meant married.  I just wanted him to say "What would make you happier baby?" and he never did!

Instead he starts to rant about two women that he had sex with recently...

He also said "he didn’t have any worries because he's been doing him all along!"  I told him I didn’t deserve that and I haven’t had sexual intercourse with anyone else but him.  I was crushed, hurt, devastated, and upset.  I remember falling to my knees and crying like never before! 

"A picture I drew in my diary when I was sixteen and my heart still crys! 

 Once Again I didnt do a good job protecting it!"

I opened up my heart to this man.
I let him put a little "Girlfriend" title on me that I tried to fight so dearly!  I let him meet and hang around my children.  I opened my home and personal space to him.  I cut off all ties with male friends to reassure him.  I let him take precious quality time away from me. 

I was faithful, loyal, trusted and had faith in our relationship.
Some things were said out of anger on both ends and he started sending me evil text with all the details about his cheating ass flings and "booty calls" (as he says).  I never texted him back and said a prayer for him that night! I just want to find closure and continue living my life.  I know there is man out there for me.  He doesnt have to be perfect but he has to be perfect for me!  For the past couple of days of crying and depression I found myself wanting to become angry and bitter.  Theres no need for that. I want to be ready when the right man comes along...

 How Will I Know If A Man Is Right For Me? 

I Had To Figure It Out What Type Of Man I Wanted

So I Know What Type Of Man I Am Asking God To Send My Way!

"I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that was so insecure and intentionally aiming to break my heart!"

Being Stingy With Quality Time...

Being Stingy With Quality Time...

Will I Ever Get What I Want If I'm Always Available?

Today is February 1st, 2013.  A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks.   Me and my Abofa, so I thought had huge fallout! Just when I thought everything was going smooth, it really wasn’t.  After almost a year of dating there is still no understanding about what we both want.  I’m older and looking to build and he’s younger and definitely wants to just be my snuggly teddy bear.  That fine but since we are not married, I would like to date in moderation. 

He wants me to always be available and doesn’t understand that sometimes I need time to myself.  On this particular night he wanted to see me and I relied " tonight is not good "  I would love to see and chill with every night and day but we are just scratching the surface and shacking up is not an option. I always said when I marry I would give my husband 100% of my time! Even with marriage people need time to themselves, I understood this why doesn’t he. 

He tells me I wasn’t giving him my all because I went from seeing him 3-4 times a week to twice a week. He gets mad at me because I didn’t want to spend time with him that night.  He was so disappointed; he didn’t even want to say that he loved me back when we were on the phone.  That night I texted him and said that my expectations would go up if I was going to invest more of my time into him. 

Remember I am looking for a husband and most women will never marry if they don’t make a man work for it!  I realized I had my way of spoiling him and he had his way of spoiling me however, it would never work out for me because men get to comfortable and if you give them what they want, on their time, they will have everything they need from you and won’t strive to get the relationship to the next level. 

That night some things were said out of anger from both of us and I was devastated.  I m not sure how he felt but I felt like we were back a square one.  I know what I want and I’m not going to let like this.  It’s not about game but it’s about control and I let him control me this far.  That was my biggest mistake!  I understand he’s not ready for a lifelong commitment but I have to make better decisions for what’s best for me and my children. 

Who wouldn’t want to sleep and wake up to the person they love every day?  I dream about that and would appreciate it more from my husband.  I guess I’m more structured and have more experience.  I have been in love and engaged before.  The boyfriend girlfriend thing is just that...a thing nothing more and definitely a huge step back for me!  Ladies clock the time you spend because before you know it years will go by and it’s very easy for both men and women to get comfortable.  It's almost been a year and I haven’t had a lot of expectations from Abofa. 

I just wanted to play and get to know him.   its 2013, a new year and I know all I need to know about him...potential, potential, potential so I’m going to make him work if he wants 100% of my quality time.  Even then he’s still not going to have all of me. You have to save something for yourself and something special for your husband.  I don’t know if we will ever get to that point but until then I would love to cuddle with you boo...it’s just going to be on my time and terms!  I just want him to know its no hard feelings and I can still love him regardless if we see each other every day or not!

Irresistible Ethiopian Love

I Have Always Been Attracted To African Americans Finally I’m Stepping Outside Of The Box I've Noticed How A Cultural Difference Between Two People Can Be Exciting, Intriguing and Enlightening!

There Is So Much I Want to Learn about My Abofa and I know It Will Take Time.

He teaches me a little day by day and I learn more about his culture as time goes by.  I know a couple of words in his language and it is very challenging for me.  I told him I will learn whatever he wants me to a lot faster, if he whispers it in my ear! :) His accent is so stimulating and super sexy it makes my eyes roll!

I’ve noticed the way he treats me, He makes me feel like his personal queen and does not want to share me!  He’s very respectful and always puts me first!  I really like how he prioritizes me and puts me before his "boys" and I don’t have to deal with that weird Bro-mance crap! Other than "cheating", Bromance is the ultimate relationship killer, in my book!

He's also very affectionate in public and when we go out with his friends, I don’t feel like I have to fight for his attention :)  His eyes are always zoomed in, focused and locked on me.  My sister always says “black is whack", and I need to date white men!  I don’t think that will be necessary at this time.  I am more than happy, although he is not African American; he is from the motherland and has his own distinct chocolate flavor!

 

Abofa likes to cook exotic dishes and lucky for me, I love Ethiopian food!  I remember when we first started dating, he hand fed me and we drank wine.  Not sure how you feel about that but I thought it was so romantic.  Not Patron or Ciroc, Red Wine!!! Trust me I'm not knocking it and I’m used to drinking Red Wine but most African American Men are not brining wine, red at that! They come through with a bottle of whatever is going to get you crunk! I guess for me, it’s about the little things that set you apart from the rest.

I'm still unsure on why "most" African American men give "us “African American Women such a hard time, when we always place them first...Just to get disrespected in return!  This is my first time dating outside my comfort zone and trust me..."I have never been more comfortable!" :) Like I said before it's almost been a year and Abofa has never made me cry, insecure or even jealous!  He uplifts me, my confidence, and my spirits. Never does he take them away or try to intentionally put me down!

I pay attention to every little detail he has to offer me, 

I’m so thankful to have my Irresistible Ethiopian Lover By My Side!

Still Getting Those Damn Butterflies!!!

“It’s Almost Been a Year and I Get

 Butterflies In My Stomach When I’m Around Him!”

Remember In My Other Story I was saying me and my Abofa haven’t been seeing much of each other lately!  I wanted to see him so bad all week and we did but I still really missed him... So last night he asked me what time I was going to be home, I said 8:30.  Automatically I’m thinking he will be there somewhat around that time…he texted and asked me what kind of drinks should he get and I should put something sexy on for him!  I’m thinking BET… he must have been reading my mind! lol I throw something sexy on primping and proceeded to set the mood !

I look at the time and its 9:30…WHAT? He’s not here yet? He then texts me and tells me he’s going to be here in 30mins…so I sent him a sad face that said 30mins??? :((

Wow, I couldn’t believe I was being so impatient, but at least I realized it! Lol I called up my home girl Kiya and she was telling me to chill and give him time.  He called me and told me he was on his way and I felt like I couldn’t wait any longer.  When he got there he was looking and smelling so good!!!

I was all over the place and couldn’t sit still, kinda like how your pet acts when you get home.  I wanted to to meow, scratch, and jump all over him.  He was finally here and all of a sudden I felt butterflies and my stomach starts to get very nauseous!  Really???  Was I a little nervous???  I think I defineltly was lol

I had to shake some of that nervosness off and started drinking faster and faster! It was one of those nights, blurry and some parts wasclear!  I do remember taking off my coat and showing him my sexy black lingerie. By that time those butteries had flew away!

Do You Get Butterflies When You Are With That Special Someone?

Butterflies in the stomach is a phenomenon characterized by the physical sensation of a "fluttery" feeling in the stomach. This sensation can be a physical sensation related to the body's fight or flight response or it can be an ineffable experience related to the psychology of nervousness and excitement.

Read More About Butterflies In Your Stomach Click Here!

BRANDON HINES...SO MUCH MORE THAN EYE CANDY!

 Sexy R&B Singer whose voice is so amazing...
it soothes every cell in my body!

I’ve never had a three some and if my man wanted to fulfill this  fantasy I would say…Brandon Hine’s Please!!! Lol I have a thing for this tall, dark and handsome brotha!

The first time I saw him was at the 2008 Essence Conference and he was sitting on the Love & Relationship’s panel.  I had No idea who he was but he definitely had a earful about me and my dis functional relationship at the time.  That day a couple of women stood up and asked the panel for advice and I had got the courage to ask as well! 

Pretty much I was in a 5 year relationship and it was going on 6.  I wasn’t getting what I wanted like quality time, romance, communication etc… My ex-fiancé was in the entertainment field and didn’t know how to juggle career and family.  We were fairly young and both had other things to focus on however we were in love and I was hurt just thinking about the thought of us breaking up.

Out of Nowhere I put my head down and started to have a meltdown in front of a large audience, cameras, the entire love panel and of course…Brandon Hines!!! SMH… i will never forget that day!  I heard an inner voice tell me to put my head up and before those tears could fall my head was back up.  I was standing tall with confidence!  I had collected my thoughts and proceeded to tell my failing love story. 

It wasn’t the best first impression but I’m sure it was memorable or just plain entertaining!  Later on that day Brandon Hines performed on stage.  He was very interesting to watch.   He was singing with so much passion, confidence and love, I realized I had a new favorite R&B artist.  I went home and looked up more of Bhines music. 

Before I knew it, I became very familiar with his songs and actually listened to his powerful messages.  Bhines music made a lot of since to me and gave me insights to making better decisions for myself and my relationship.  “Afraid of the Break up, Breaking walls, Lost, Here I Am, Long Way Home and I Don’t Wanna” definitely touched my heart and hit a home run for me!

I would say bhines music is for lover's, romance, baby making or just people that have experience with real relationships! Another thing I like about BHines he doesnt have a lot of fast songs which makes his music great for a long day with something slow and spicy! No dout he's a five star artist*****

In Love With Two Men...What To Do?

Most Would Brag About Being In Love With 2 People

But For Me...It Was A Damn Nightmare!!!

I remember the look on Abofa's face when he found out about my NC lover.  He looked through my phone and read all of the text in our thread.  He also seen all the steamy pictures we had been sending to one another.

I was angry, furious, and felt violated!  How could he?  Who does he think he is?  Our relationship was so new, plus I was honest to him when we first started dating and I told him about my NC Lover that I have been seeing for a couple of years.  He really didn’t put much concern into it and now all of a sudden he's acting so surprised to see us communicating.

Abofa asked me if I cared about my NC Lover and I replied yes but actually I was madly in love with him.  At this time I wasn’t completely sure about my feelings with Abofa...We had only been dating for a couple of months and I knew my NC lover for a couple of years now.

It has been a while since the last time I spoke to my NC Lover.  Our last conversation didn’t go so well.  He calls me while he was drunk, cussing and fussing at me.  I don’t know why he was mad that I had fell in love with someone else.  Before I met my Abofa, I gave him so many opportunities to tell me how he felt about me, about us.  

 He would tell me he loved and missed me but would never elaborate on if we would move our relationship forward.  I could always tell my NC Lover was holding back his feelings but that never stopped me from expressing my love to him.  I always told him he would make a great husband.  He cooks, cleans, works, owns multiple properties, takes care of his family and most of all he was attractive had a body like Spartan and very romantic! 

So, how do you decide when you have two good qualities, sexy men in your life?  That was the question that had me so mind boggled.  I thought about this for months and it was driving me crazy!  My Abofa was giving me everything I wanted, needed, and was in the same state (that’s a major plus for me because Im not attracted to the men in DMV area!)

I haven’t seen my NC lover in about a year and I was missing him like crazy.  He was trying to make plans for me to visit him but I decided not to go because I didn’t want to put myself in a situation and plus I was still confused about where we stood.

Finally, I thought It was best to hold off and let my life run its course.  I’m glad I did, because I can put my focus on a new and fresh relationship. A True love that took me 30 years to find!  My Abofa has opened my eyes to a love I never had before.   I gave my NC Lover a chance to show and tell me what his love was all about and all I got was a tough exterior and tough love.  

I’ve been through so much in my life and unfortunately for my NC lover I wasn’t looking for more.  As the days go on I decided to put my NC Lover to the test and ask him more questions about us.  It turns out he has no real plans about us, present or future.  He did say he was going to help me move closer and if the relationship didn’t work out at least I would be closer to my family in Georgia. 

 I was ok with that before I met my Abofa, plus It was quite clear he didn’t believe in us, so why should I?Leave my Abofa, move to Georgia and still be alone?   I don’t think so!!!  Abofa didn’t really talk about plans for us either but we didn’t have the history like my NC lover and I had.  Abofa has what I need, that Is LOVE, PURE, GENUINE, AND ITS FLOWING OUT FREELY! J   I will take Love over history and a weekend rendezvous any day. 

Even though it took me a couple of months to realize who was best for me, now I can allow myself to accept my blessings and not have a guilty conscious about where my heart lays.   It comes down to this... HISTORY = HIS-STORY…HE HAD NONE!!! HIS-HEART…HE HAD NONE!!! So I choose to do no wrong and BE GONE!!!   I chose Heart over History…Love will always win!!!

Dragged Out To The Club and Was Shot By Cupid

I Wasn't  Searching For Love...

It Found Me When I Least Expected It!!!

Dear Diary,  I Think I Found True Love! I call him Abofa and he is from Ethiopia.  He is so different from the men or should I say boys from my past! He makes me feel like a queen all the time and he is so romantic.  Last night he surprised me and came over.  He held me tight and didn’t let go!

He kissed me on my forehead and smiled every time I looked his way.  Yesterday we texted each other like crazy. I told him that i never had a love like this before; nobody has ever given me the attention and affection like he does.  I'm 30 years old and feel like I’m finally experiencing love.  In one of the text I asked him where he has been all my life, he replied waiting for you. 

We have cam a long way since April 18th, 2012 the first time we met.  It was a instant attraction mentally, physically, emotionally, and of course sexually.  It was at a night club full of people and he grabbed my hand out of nowhere..."normally I would snatch my hand back and give a stare that could kill" but I felt a soft and gentle touch and he was tall, dark, and handsome :) " So I kept going back for more lol

I didn’t dance with anyone else that night just him.  I remember stoking his head and gazing in his eyes...that has never happened to me before, even when I think someone is attractive I'm still very cautious but for some reason this man had my full attention. I was so engaged and so was he.  It was to the point my sister came to look for me and we know most of the time ladies should never split up in the club.

At the end of that night we saw each other as we were leaving out and once again we couldn’t keep away from each other. I was cuddled up in his arms like it was a stormy blizzard outside, but the weather was perfect lol Could It be I was falling for the perfect stranger or did I have too many cocktails that night!

To move forward our first date was perfect...The establishment wasn’t...nasty drinks and bad hookah lol
 But who cares we had lovely conversation and he was a gentleman. Come to find out I wasn’t that drunk the night I met him.  He still was tall, dark, and handsome with a beautiful smile.  That night we ended up standing outside the lounge after it closed and I found myself in his arms all over again....FOR HOURS lol

Things started taking off after that day. At first I thought the relationship was moving really quickly but no matter what I said and did he kept coming back to me!   I now understand him better; he needs and wants love, just like me.  I’ve been hurt so many times and I’m a lot older.  He is younger and doesn’t talk much about his past relationships.  I went from running away to running into his arms and I’m thankful he keeps them open for me.

He is truly one of the best things that have happened in my life.  Yesterday I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  All day he tells me that he loves me and always talks about when we first met and fell in love.  I think he is from another planet because most men these days try to play so hard but he is soft, gentle, sweet, and sensitive.  He does have a hard side and trust me; it's hard where it counts :)

Its 11:39 and I think he is sleep because he would have called or texted by now.  He used to call me every night but I wouldn’t answer because I didn’t have much time for him.  I’m not sure why!  Most of the time I was busy doing stuff around the house, stuck in a runt depressed or just plain running away from his love.  Now I make him a priority because he deserves a good woman and I can be a great woman for him.

In most relationships there is always one person putting in more work and he was the one putting his best foot forward.  Now it’s my turn to show and prove to him what a wonderful lover I can be and meet him halfway!  I used to be that person putting in 100% just to get back nothing in return, so I know how it feels! :(

I’ve been waiting for GOD to send me a man whom I can be myself with and no holding back this time...
I hope he notices the change because I can feel it and see a major difference in me!  He is very easy to love and doesn’t expect much.  He gives me everything I need and leaves no room for other men.  I have no needs, wants, or desires....He fills me up with it all!  The funny thing is he stares at me before he goes to sleep and I stare at him when he is asleep lol that is love because my ex used to stare at the TV before he went to sleep! 

Right now TOM is here... (Time of the month) and we haven’t been intimate in over 2 weeks going on 3.  I went on vacation and he went out of town when I got back.   Now I’m on my period and we have this electric energy flowing through our bodies and it’s radiating some serious heat.   When we do reunite physically it’s going to be like our own fire work show lasting through the whole night...I can’t stop thinking about those sexy eyes he gives me when I’m on top or when his body is on auto pilot...it’s like he's penetrating not only my body but my mind and spirit as well!

I think he is the best lover I’ve ever had because he is so much more than a prop in the bedroom...he is a artist going to work and he knows how to carve my sculpture in fine details if you know what I mean.
Well it seems like I can go all night writing about my " ABOFA" that means" a breath of fresh air "!  He thinks he is the luckiest guy to have me but the truth is we are both blessed to have each other. 

My heart always skips a beat from all the sweet things he tells me!  This morning he told me he loves me 6 times and later today he sent me 135 kissing face icons to my phone...Is this real because I don’t want to go back to heartache and pain! I want to experience this for a lifetime!

Yours Truely,
Lexi Carmel
Scorpio-Love-Tales.blogspot.com