Opening My Heart to The Wrong Person and Look Where It Got me!
Fucked with Strings
Abofa was insecure and never thought he was good enough for me.
I was happy and didn’t have needs or wants for anybody else! I saw his insecure signs early in our relationship. He used to look through my phone, show up places "without me knowing" and discreetly waiting around for hours.
I remember one time I was hanging out with my sister.
We was at a resturant bar and he called and asked me where I was, I told him the location and before I got a chance to tell him the name of the restaurant, my phone died. Our relationship was still brand new and I didn’t have his phone number memorized to call him back on my sister’s phone. It was getting late and I decided to go back to my sister’s house because she lived a couple blocks from the restaurant. When I got to her house I immediately plugged up my phone to charge it. When I called him back,
Abofa sounded really calm as he questioned me.
I told him my phone had died and that I was sorry. He asked me where I was and I told him my sister’s house. He asked if he could come and pick me up and I said yes! I asked him where he was and he said “I’m in front of your house; I’ve headed here after your phone died!” My phone died around 10:30pm, I got to my sister’s house around 2:30am. That means he has been sitting in front of my house for 2-3 hours!!!
My first thought was "wow that is really sweet!"
My second thought was “Wow that is really crazy and strange!" I asked my sister and she said "that means he really cares about you or he's really crazy! He picked me up and it was an awkward silence once I got in the car. I felt the need to explain myself all over again...
" I’m sorry baby, my phone really died!" He told me it was ok but for some reason I knew he didn’t believe me! Now that I think about it maybe he decided to go to my house and wait because he thought I was lying. Was he really concerned or was he doing a stakeout in front of my house?
I believe that was the first sign of insecurity...did I ignore that red flag?
Me and My So Called "Abofa "
After that day, I stupidly started spending more time with him.
We would go out and he would focus all his attention on me. I noticed he didn’t like us around a lot of people. He would find little cuts and the most private sections for us to spend time together. I thought he was just being over protective, now that I look at it maybe he was hiding me for other reasons! He became very clingy and needy, like he didn’t want or like to be alone.
I realized our relationship was speeding and wanted to talk more about his needs, wants, desires and plus I was confused about why he wanted me in his life so much.
I tried to have a conversation about this and he really didn’t have much to say (Another Red Flag) I asked him “What are we doing?” I didn’t want to get too deeply involved. I’ve been engaged and got out of a six year relationship 3 years ago. I told him I didn’t want to be just a girlfriend and I really wasn’t interested in having a boyfriend. Those types of relationships are never taken serious. I also told him I couldn’t have children anymore and I was happy with the two I have. I know he was going to want children one day so we need to think about this before we get too deep involed.
This Is Where I Went Wrong...
He was really quiet that day and kept his feeling to himself. I expected that because of our age difference. He had a void that needed to be filled and I was trying to figure out what it was. He didn’t ask enough questions about my needs, wants, or desires so I figured he wasn’t trying to fill my voids.
I slowly tried to push him away and he kept coming back stronger!
All my extra time he made clear he wanted me to spend it with him. I’ve never been a big phone person and he would call me every night and all the time if we weren’t together. I remember one day I was at my sister’s house and he was calling me and I didn’t want to answer the phone. My sister said “why aren’t you answering?” and I said ” I don’t know " she said..." you’re a mean girlfriend!” and I thought to myself...
I don’t want to be a mean girlfriend at all!
Once again considering his feelings I called him back. We spoke for a little and I remember him saying to me “why won’t you let me love you?" That’s when I felt my heart weaken and I thought this man was crying out to me! I knew he needed to work on his communication but does that mean he doesn’t deserve a good woman?
As Time went on I found myself opening up to him more.
Our relationship was based upon endless romantic days and night. One day during pillow talk he asked me, did I see myself as being single? I paused because I was confused myself. I didn’t have a ring on my finger so I said... “Yes I do see myself as single” He said “You still see yourself as being single and we are always together loving each other.
Deep down I knew he was right and I was falling in love with him.
I didn’t want anyone else and gave up on pursuing my NC lover. He was meeting my needs (so I thought) but in actually I didn’t know what my needs were and was caught up already. I changed my mind and confirmed that I would be his girlfriend even though I hated that title. I knew being his girlfriend would make him feel comfortable about us.
What I did for him...
I noticed I didn’t need or have room for my male friends. I told him that I wouldn’t communicate with them any longer. He didn’t even know about some of them. I openly told him because I thought he deserved to know. These weren’t random people! Most I knew for years and some I have dated in the past but still remained friends. I cut off all ties with them and told them that I was in a relationship and I didn’t want to do anything disrespectful to hurt him.
His Needs Were Being Met But What About Mine?
Static In The Relationship...
We had random fallout's mostly because I wouldn’t want him to come over when he wanted. I always found myself giving in because I didn’t like telling him no because I knew it would disappoint him. I was comfortable with him being around me. He wanted to control my time and I let him, he wanted to control my phone and I let him. I even noticed he tried to control what I ate and drank....
Let Me Give You A Example...
I love Chardonnay...he would bring "Malbac" (red wine) every time he came over. We were drinking that wine about 3-4 times a week for the first 6 months....no joke! I just gave into this man because he was so persistent! I saw that as a plus and seen it as he needed love and so did I! So why not???
Letting My Guards Down...
and playing the role of a girlfriend, what I was trying so hard not to be! Time was flying and before the New Year came I wanted to analyze our relationship. I figured it was going well. A lot of fun, sex, romance, love, affection and happiness. I thought maybe this was the man of my dreams and I didn’t want to lose him. I was thinking of ways that I could get us to the next level by the end of 2013. I wanted a ring, a promise or engagement would do! :)
What About My Needs...
I was giving him what he wanted for a year, will he be the man I want him to be and start pleasing me? The best thing for a woman to do is not make hints and be honest about what you want. I wanted to see if he was going to come off his throne and cater to my needs! I needed more space and time to get my head out of the clouds! One night he asked if he could come over and I told him “tonight is not good "
He caught the biggest attitude...
because he couldnt get is way and turned it into a argument...
I told him I was happy but could be happier. I wanted a big house, front, back yard and a husband to complete me. He told me to go find a sugar daddy that was going to make me happy. I didn’t mean it like that! When I said happier I meant married. I just wanted him to say "What would make you happier baby?" and he never did!
Instead he starts to rant about two women that he had sex with recently...
He also said "he didn’t have any worries because he's been doing him all along!" I told him I didn’t deserve that and I haven’t had sexual intercourse with anyone else but him. I was crushed, hurt, devastated, and upset. I remember falling to my knees and crying like never before! 
"A picture I drew in my diary when I was sixteen and my heart still crys!
Once Again I didnt do a good job protecting it!"
I opened up my heart to this man.
I let him put a little "Girlfriend" title on me that I tried to fight so dearly! I let him meet and hang around my children. I opened my home and personal space to him. I cut off all ties with male friends to reassure him. I let him take precious quality time away from me.
I was faithful, loyal, trusted and had faith in our relationship.
Some things were said out of anger on both ends and he started sending me evil text with all the details about his cheating ass flings and "booty calls" (as he says). I never texted him back and said a prayer for him that night! I just want to find closure and continue living my life. I know there is man out there for me. He doesnt have to be perfect but he has to be perfect for me! For the past couple of days of crying and depression I found myself wanting to become angry and bitter. Theres no need for that. I want to be ready when the right man comes along...
How Will I Know If A Man Is Right For Me?
I Had To Figure It Out What Type Of Man I Wanted
So I Know What Type Of Man I Am Asking God To Send My Way!
"I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that was so insecure and intentionally aiming to break my heart!"
